The Baari debacle- who gets to do the shopping?
If you are to meet a bride-to-be, you expect happiness and a glowing face but this bride I came across was rather down and seemed upset. Curious as I am, I asked her what has happened. She remarked that she was not on talking terms with her fiancé and was upset with him. On inquiring why it was so, she declared sulkily that she had demanded that the amount to be spent on buying dresses of baari (the things brought from the side of the boy’s family) should be handed over to her so she can buy things of her choice. This mindset of hers rather perplexed me and made me wonder about my feelings on this topic.
I remembered the time when my mamoo (uncle from maternal side) was about to get married. The excitement of my mother and her sisters was at peak level and everyone was so enthusiastic to pitch in their ideas so that the best of the best was selected for the bride-to-be. Similarly, when I think of my boys getting married in the distant future (typical of a Pakistani mom whose kids have started going to school) I would rather feel upset and irritated if they tell me that the right of making clothes for my daughter-in-law is not with me. You can call it a rather traditional sort of mindset, but in my opinion isn’t it the right of the boy’s family that they be given the liberty to choose things for a girl that is to be a new edition in their home and show their love? I have myself experienced great satisfaction and love in my mother-in-laws eyes when she saw me wearing the dresses she has chosen for me.
I agree that it might be a good idea to handover the amount of Baari to the girl if the mother-in-law can’t handle it herself or/and if she herself wants to do so due to any reason, or she might ask the girl to accompany her in the shopping trips, but fighting and getting upset over such a trivial matter shows lack of maturity on the side of the girl. Obviously it is impossible for a boy to take a stand on such matter with his family. Also, after a girl gets married, it is totally in her hand to dress up according to her choice and she has the liberty then.
It is essential that it should be understood that some traditions and norms of our society that not for inconveniencing someone but rather help in uniting people and bringing them closer should be appreciated and cherished and that such trivial matters are not a matter of disagreements and quarrels between the to-be-bride and bridegroom because this is the period that you have fond memories of your whole life so enjoy it to your level best!!